Sometimes the hardest part is clicking 'submit'

At the beginning of this year, I decided that I needed a new focus for 2011. So I attended a goal setting seminar hosted by Kathy Goddard of Lighthouse Visionary Strategies (it was an amazing experience - I'll be going next year, and you should too). I set goals for all areas of my life, including physical, emotional, career, financial, etc. And then we had to write a letter to our future selves, dated December 2011, talking about how great it will be to have achieved all of our goals. When I got home, I placed the sealed envelope in the drawer of my night-side table and pushed it out of my mind.

Until 7pm on March 31st. Then the envelope was all that I could think about. Under the physical health section, I had decided, in January, to sign up for the Whistler Half Marathon. And three months later, on the eve of the last day of the early-bird registration price, I sat in front of my computer, registration form already filled out, mouse hovering over the 'submit' button.

Could I really run 21.1 km? The longest I had ever run before was 10km and that was years ago. I'm 30 now, for goodness sake. But really. This was my first real goal of the year. No way I could let myself off the hook that easily. So I took a deep breath, gritted my teeth, and clicked the button. There. That wasn't so hard. Now I just had to figure out how to run longer than I had ever run before without passing out halfway through and having to call someone for a ride home.

Six Days to Thirty - The Life Unlived

I'm tired. Not because it's late, which it is, at 11:30 p.m. on a Tuesday. But because I'm just worn out.

---

As a kid, I never wondered about my life as an adult, because I had it all figured out. I used to play The Game of Life with my sisters. Somehow, miraculously (come on, who am I kidding, I'm a master manipulator when I want to be), I always ended up with six kids (which is two kids too many to fit in the standard sedan that the game supplies you with), living in an old farmhouse and working as a doctor. That was my dream life, and I fully expected it to come true.

Now I'm approaching 30. Okay, I'll actually be thirty in six days. And I'm not married and I don't have any children; I'm not a doctor and I don't live in a farmhouse.

---

My dog ran away today, after a 40-minute hike in the woods, just before I was going to put his leash back on and head down the street to our house. I had a huge to-do list that was only a third of the way completed. But instead of finishing my list (which actually included taking my dog in the car to do errands, followed by a visit to the dog park), I ended up searching for him for almost three hours, hiking through the woods, retracing our steps, wearing myself out. Finally, I got a call from a little girl, who said my dog was at the bottom of the street, hanging around a small park, chewing a blue ball he stole from a little boy. Who she was and how she got my number, I'm not sure. I want to phone her tomorrow, hopefully talk to her parents, see if I can give a gift of thanks.

---

Living on the other side of the country from where I grew up, from where my family still lives, is difficult. I feel like I've almost found my place, but it's still exhausting. Even though it's been over two years, sometimes it feels like no one knows me and I'm starting from scratch, volunteering, joining groups and clubs, trying to meet people and establish myself.

---

After finding the dog, I headed home, made a dinner that I didn't eat until hours later (my boyfriend works nights, so I try to cook meals for him), went to band practice, made a quick grocery trip, bought some wine (because after my afternoon, I needed a drink), came home, finished cleaning the bathtub, and finally ate my dinner.

There's folded towels piled on the chair that I keep meaning to list on Craigslist, dry clothes in the dryer, wet clothes in the washer, and I don't care, because I'm tired. I feel like I never get ahead, and there's always two things unfinished for every one thing I cross off the list. No one ever told me that this was what being grown up really meant.

---

Makes me wonder if I could have really handled a real life version of The Game of Life?

When life throws curveballs

Sometimes things happen that cause you to step back, to be quiet, to reflect. You retreat and hibernate for a while, choosing to spend time with your family, with those who you are closest to, until things pass over.

Then it is done, finished, in the past, but the feelings still linger. Feelings of sadness, of being emotionally drained, of being tired of talking. The world keeps going, but you are not quite ready to jump back in at full speed.

And then, before you know it, life is flying by again. You are in the middle of things, back in the chaos, hoping that you will remember a little of the calm, that something good will have come from all of the pain.

Long days, short sleeps.

I have been tired lately. Absolutely exhausted, yawn in your face while you're talking to me, tired. Not sure if it's the time of year, what with dark mornings and evenings, too much rain, or just a flexible schedule that leads to me staying up all hours of the night and sleeping well past when the man comes home from work in the mornings.

This article from BCLocalNews.com talks about SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). According to the article, it affects nearly 50% of adults. Maybe I should move to Mexico?

Okay, probably not going to happen. So I'll try out some of their tips (maybe if I put them in writing, I'll actually make an effort?):
1. Get as much sun as possible - probably not going to happen, given all the rain :(
2. Stick to a sleep schedule - will try to be in bed by 11, awake by 8
3. Eat proteins, avoid sugars - was planning on a sugar detox, so this is good
4. Relax - good time to resume yoga
5. Support immune system - already taking vitamins!

How about you? Do you notice the effects of SAD? Or maybe you feel energized this time of year?
Photo credit: cahdequech

New things are afoot

It's been a long time since I've posted anything. Ten months, to be exact. I'm now living in Whistler and at my 2-year anniversary of being a British Columbian.

I started out the season with a lot of hiking, and was surprised to find so much snow up top. I was a bit too early, as some of the bridges hadn't even been reassembled yet.



And now that the summer is over, I'm feeling a lot more settled, ready to focus on moving forward. It's nice to feel like I've found my place in the world, especially when it's a place as gorgeous as this.