My favourite running partner

Being part Husky, Odin loves to run and jump and frolic. And he also needs to do it often. So running together satisfies two needs - his for exercise and mine for fitting in another run. But it is also more than that. As I gather up my running gear, I glance over and see Odin sitting in his bed, staring out the window at the world outside. And then he sighs and lies down, as if giving up on ever leaving the condo again.

Finally dressed and ready to go, I grab the leash, open the door, and he is barging out ahead of me, free at last. His pure enthusiasm for anything athletic is so inspiring that it lifts my spirits at the beginning of the run, instead of the feelings of dread that I usually have when starting a solo run. Other than the occasional bathroom break and doggy sniff, we run as a team, gathering focus, until on the last leg of the run when we have the same stride, both looking straight ahead, caught in the moment. Odin is my pet and companion. But he is also my running coach, urging me to go further and faster, growling when I let up on my pace. And I couldn't ask for a better friend to run with.

Wedding dress shopping for non-fashionistas

As you may know, I am getting married (cue dramatic music). After many, many years together, we are finally going to tie the knot.

We toyed with the idea of a quickie Vegas affair, complete with Johnny Cash as the official, and dreamed about a warm Hawaiian beach affair, but finally decided to go back to Acadia University, in Nova Scotia, where we first met. Close to both our families, it made the most sense.

My sister got married this past fall, so I already have some idea of the craziness ahead of us. The planning and guest lists and budgets and attempts to retain sanity. And I know that I somehow want this whole thing to be simple and fun and have it just feel like us.

So in November, my Mom and one of my sisters made the trip out to Vancouver to help me look for "the dress". I've watched a bunch of those wedding dress shows (sometimes there's just nothing on TV, ok?) so I had a general idea of what would happen. What I didn't expect was how out of place I would feel. I've never been a huge shopper or fashion-type person. And now that I live in Whistler and spend most of my days either skiing, hiking or working from home, clothes are pretty far down on my list of priorities. As my cousin Kaitlyn put it, "Left to my own devices, I’d be a hoodie habitating jeans wearing hiking boot rockin’ [31] year old."

So back to the dress shopping. You know that scene in the Sex and the City episode where Miranda thinks it would be fun to have she and Carrie dress up in ridiculously-awful wedding dresses and Carrie ends up having a panic attack and breaking out in hives? That was basically how I felt. Things were tight where they shouldn't be, I couldn't breathe (one shop assistant told me that you're not supposed to feel comfortable in a wedding dress), and my Mom and sister were pretty alarmed to hear loud banging coming from the dressing room (I ended up kicking the walls trying to find my feet under all those fucking layers of crinoline and taffeta and whatever else people hide inside dresses).

Finally I found this really simple dress with one shoulder (so eighties cool!) that just flows all the way down. I can breathe and walk and dance and it finally felt like me. And maybe this wedding will be alright after all. I hope...

The roadtrip has begun

Mat and I packed up the car and drove from Montreal to Ottawa to pick up the puppy, who was hanging out at his sister's.

Even though the drive was short, it was fun, choosing the old highway that twists around the water.

Today, we start the big drive, heading to Harlem, New York for the night.

Where is home, when your heart is all over the place?

My sister called early yesterday morning. Well, it was 8:00 a.m., but still, it felt early. "I'm sorry", she said. "I didn't realize what time it was there". I told her it was okay, I would call her back in a bit, once I had a chance to fully wake up.

When I called her a half hour later, it turned out she was at my parents cottage-turned house, with a lot of commotion in the background. Cousins and friends and babies were all there, having a fun, impromptu family BBQ, the day after our cousin's wedding. I talked to my sister, to my parents, to cousins who I hadn't spoken with in a long time. I hung up the phone feeling a bit funny, but shook it off and went about the rest of my day.

Later that night, as I was trying to go to sleep, I couldn't get over how sad I felt that they were all having fun without me, that I was missing out on everything. I had already spoken to my family about how I wouldn't be making it for the wedding, since I have my sister's wedding to go to next month. And I love living here and know that I wouldn't be happy living there. But I still cried myself to sleep last night. And I still haven't been able to shake that funny feeling...

Lessons from running

On June 4th, I ran the Whistler Half Marathon. It was the first race I had run in over five years. And two weeks later, I ran the Johnny Miles 10k with my Dad. Or rather, we started together and he was waiting, cheering me on, at the finish line.

I've also been listening to Neil Firore's audiobook, "The Now Habit". At one point, he talks about how his clients have taken huge learnings from their athletic endeavours, and then been able to apply what they have learned to the rest of their lives. So far, I've learned two big lessons.

Number 1 - Goal setting

In January, when I decided to sign up for the half, my goal was to finish the race. All through my eight weeks of training (because I procrastinated and didn't start training until March), I had the same goal. Based on my progress, I figured it would take me 2 1/2 hours. And then two days before the event, with no time left to train, I decided to change the goal. Now I wanted to finish in 2 hours. Just like that. And you know how long it took me? Two hours and 29 minutes. Lesson learned? Goals need to be realistic and attainable.

Number 2 - People can change

As you can probably tell from my half marathon time, I am a slow runner. Seriously slow. My sister looked at my race photos & said I looked like a speed walker. All through my training for the half, I ran painfully slow, with everyone else on the trail zipping by me. "It's okay", I would tell myself. "You're just a slow runner."

And then, two days after the half, I flew to Nova Scotia to visit with my family, already signed up for the 10k. With two weeks to train, and a previous 10k race time of 1:10, I decided that I could change. I could be a faster runner. I could run in under an hour. So I actually did two speed training sessions, one each week. I still went for slow 5k runs, but they were faster than I was used to. And on the day of the race, on the hottest and muggiest day I had experienced in all of 2011, I ran the first 5k in 29 minutes and the whole 10k in 1:03. No, I didn't break an hour. But I came close. And more importantly, I changed.

So lesson learned? Change is possible. I can be faster, stronger, fitter. But I can also change in other areas of my life. I can also be louder, bolder, fiercer. For the first time ever, I look forward to change.

A half marathon is a long way to run

Tomorrow is the day. Half marathon starting at 7:30 a.m., 21.1 km. I'm not sure if I've trained enough, followed my running schedule closely enough. Hell, who am I kidding, if I had been following a recipe for chocolate cake, I would now be eating blueberry muffins.

My last run was a week and a half ago, and I ran 19 km. Physically, it was kind of tough, but the hardest part was the conversation in my head:

"Alright, here we go again. Nineteen kilometres. Huh. Really? That's going to take at least 2 hours. This is going to be boor-ing."

"If I make it all the way up Blueberry Hill, it will mean that I will actually be able to finish the half on race day. Wait, what if I get tired and have to stop on the way up this hill? Does that mean I'm going to fail? Yes."

"Okay. If I make it to the little path before Boston Pizza, I'll be done and I can stop running. Wait, I just stopped. And I'm not there yet. Arrgh."

Lazy rainy days

Sometimes the best of plans go awry in the nicest of ways. Like today. I had planned to wake up early and complete an entire to-do-list worth of errands and tasks. Instead, I slept until 10, spent all morning in my pj's, and haven't done any exercise other than sprint from the car to Purebread Whistler to buy cheese bread and a sinfully delicious chocolate brownie.

But sometimes it's just so nice to wrap myself in a cozy blanket and curl up on the couch watching movies and bad daytime TV, safe and dry, away from the pouring rain outside.

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I've been searching for something lately, unsure what it is I'm missing. Time spent Googling vacation spots, both far off and close by, books checked out from the library with the promise of changing my life, visits with friends for the purpose of keeping my goals and aspirations in line. Finally I just booked an overdue trip home to Nova Scotia. And now my dreams are full of visions of the ocean, of familiar places and sounds, of family who see each other more often than I speak to them over the phone.